Friday, 2 November 2007

In which I'm paranoid and discecting my husbands actions

I'm writing this down because it doesn't matter how many times I think about it I still can't understand.




Here is the story;




My husband and I hooked up end of November 2006, both of us were in relationships at the time, both of those relationships were failing. Well... Mine was, and husbands was not failing but not progressing and according to him "boring" and not what he wanted (ah, shit. See now this has made me think of something else...in time).




Anyways, we fooled around, slept together a couple of times but mostly just spent a lot of time together talking, drinking, enjoying each others company. I broke up with ex late January and kept seeing now husband, who was still in relationship...WHO kept telling me he was planning on leaving her (not that i asked him too, I'd like to stress, and nor did he ask me to leave my ex) but was chicken to do so. Fair enough, whatever, I kept seeing him, it started to get more serious, I started to think I might be falling in love, he made it known he was, he didn't want me to see anyone else (although did say he knew he couldn't say that until he was single) etc. etc.




eventually he left his ex (I think late march? early April?) and not long after proposed (well...not so much as proposed and said thought we should marry and that if he didn't marry me wouldn't marry anyone, I thought was a good idea and sounded like fun, oh, and of course loved him) and then a few months later got married.




Now... here is where it gets interesting, assuming you're keeping up.




Got married in June and conceived our first lil baby (yes the one I'm 23 weeks with now) on the honeymoon week (although we didn't actually go on honeymoon), and hurrah here we are. Husband always liked to announce to everyone and tell everyone he's married/having a kid/has a hot young American wife/etc. even when i asked him not too (didn't want to announce pregnancy until 3rd month, husband stayed mum for about 2 days. His excitement is cute)... So, Everything is dandy, yes?




No.




Husband has a friend. We'll call this friend Boy band (only because according to husband he looks like he should be in one...hm...wouldn't mind an introduction). So back in the day (maybe 4-6 months before me) Boy band and husband spent about 6 months going out every night and just generally being crazy lads, husband would call boy band his closest friend.




Now a' days boy band and husband only talk business (maybe once a month if that) because people just grow apart or something... but husband still does talk to Boy Band, you know for the occasional updates etc...But, you see, Boy band has no idea that his old best friend (husband) is married and expecting his first child... Why? because husband doesn't want to tell boy band for fear boy band will tell his ex and then cause his ex undue pain...




What.the.fuck.




Now, I understand the nobility of husband not wanting to hurt his ex. very nice, and obviously handy for me so that i know when our marriage ends (sorry, i meant "if our marriage ends"...) he'll be kind about it. BUT I think it's a little silly when it gets to the point of blatantly lying to boy band (who is NOT friends with his ex. btw. they just happen to know some of the same people...maybe...husband isn't even sure. this is all on assumption) to protect an ex... an ex who's feelings he is putting before his pregnant wives..




Do you see where i am going here? why i am not only confused but also obviously pissed off and a little suspicious.




I could honestly go on about this for days and days to the point where you were begging me to stop. So I'll stop now to spare you (but only because I know I will be returning to this subject time and time again).




So quickly to round it up:




Why would my husband hide me from boy band? His argument; To spare his ex.


Mine: I bet she's over you now, it's been long enough and I'm sure she's dating.


His argument: But just in case


Mine: But who's more important? An ex or your wife?




I feel like he's hiding me, or maybe something from me. Paranoid? likely. I can only assume he is either


A. Secretly in love with Boy Band and doesn't want to hurt Boy Bands feelings


B. Not totally over Ex


C. Stupid




Unfortunately the most likely out of those three is A. When husband and I first hooked up it was widely believe amongst out group of friends that he was gay.




No. I don't believe it is any of those (and if he was a big into the boy love, that's fine with me as long as I can watch) and when i really think about it I don't think it is anything wrong... I DO trust him ... It's just a very strange situation, you know? It doesn't make sense to me at all..."talk to him" you say. yeah yeah, i know. But I also know what he's going to say is not going to give me an answer because he is never going to tell Boy band about us. Boy band will only find out if he directly asks "So, you married yet?" which, lets be honest, men never do.

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