It's funny though how even though I know kids get cold, and they pick up every bug they come in contact with but I still some how feel responsible. I'm sure it's a general mother feeling that even though logic tells me I can't stop him from getting a cold (although of course I wouldn't send him out into the cold with wet hair etc. etc.) I still feel I have failed him some how.
I took a online quiz thing the other day and I found the results quite interesting because they essentially are similar to what my Therapist is trying to tell me. I'm not a believer of online quizzes btw, but this one made me think.
Eve completed the quiz "What's your biggest weakness?" with the result Soul.
You are intelligent and you think about life and philosophy and WHY to everything. A lot. But you are missing passion. You like to do creative things, but they often lack the soul behind it. You can make people laugh and beat your friends in an IQ test, but when it comes to living life to the fullest you are lost, even though you think you aren't. You think you are right, but underneath of it all you are confused. You are only guided by your mind which often leads you astray, but your soul rarely reflects in your life. You like to work hard for things and you think you deserve them, but you sometimes wonder why you are where you are. You need direction for your persistent and determined personality, but you aren't sure where to get it. .
This is slightly insulting, at least I take it that way, I suppose because no one wants to have their weakness blown into public but I read this and my first reaction was "bullshit, I've got soul! I'm full of passion"... which I like to think is true but when I read it and took it in all as one it starts to ring true.
My Therapist is constantly telling me to stop being so clinical. I spoke about it before, my defense mechanism, being able to pretend, but it also left me very detached. I am so "unflappable" because I am detached from most situations. I suppose another way of saying that is that I don't have any soul, so to speak, invested in the situation. It's very interesting and fascinating to look at it from this angle. And here you go! another perfect example! I am even detaching myself from this, looking at this diagnoses of mine very clinically. So frustrating that I can't just BE but also very safe.
It's also very conflicting because I generally think of myself as popular, funny, lively, happy and the "go to" girl for all my friends. And I am those things, but I am also, as said above "but when it comes to living life to the fullest you are lost, even though you think you aren't. You think you are right, but underneath of it all you are confused" This is true and I know this and this is exactly why I started seeing a Therapist.
"You need direction for your persistent and determined personality" And that is what I am doing in going to therapy.
So the out come I suppose is... You have to know and recognize your faults before you can fix them, yes? Step one down the path to self discovery? We shall see... This is all awfully deep for 10am in the morning. Maybe it's time for a tea and biscuit break.