Friday, 7 August 2009

A mothers guilt.

I have a pain in my heart. I'm having to work today (usually I only work Tue, Wed & Thur) because one of my colleagues who is chronically sick with SOMETHING (she gets whatever is in the news, last year it was foot & mouth and this year it's swine flu) and so has been off for two weeks, leaving a huge pile of work to build up on her desk, Boss asked me to come in today to clear as much work as I could, I figured why not, although I like keeping my Friday's for Mummy/Son time, I wouldn't mind the extra cash and it's just this once.

Now, usually, on working days I get up at 6am and get myself showered and dressed then have breakfast and pack a lunch, so that by the time Son wakes up (7am) I'm ready to focus on him for an hour and have a bit of play time before we have to leave.

This morning Husband said he would re-set the alarm because he was leaving at 5am. Of course he didn't so I didn't wake up until Son woke me up at 7am. Which meant I had to just put him in the high chair with his Breakfast and get myself ready. Leaving him to his food and morning telly. I was flapping around like an idiot and then as soon as I was ready it was throwing him into some clothes and out the door. I was feeling rushed and agitated at Husband for not setting the alarm, and also already a bit guilty that Son had to go to nursery again even though this was suppose to be "Our day". So I get to Nursery and one of the other kids who'd just been dropped off was having a little hissy fit, so in the commotion they manage to get Son off me and I wave and am out the door hearing as I walk away the cry of my Son.

It was only when I got half way to work that I remembered. I hadn't kissed and cuddled him goodbye! You may laugh but this is important too him. When I drop him off usually I put him down, he has a peek at the toys then comes and gives me a hug and asks for a kiss and then waves and is happy to go off and play, and if I don't do that he is upset all morning (according to the nursery staff).

I forgot! I forgot on a morning when I already had to rush him about and I forgot on a morning when he knows he isn't even suppose to be there! I feel like I failed him. I'm so anxious, I miss him, I feel so bad and I know he'll be grumpy with me when I pick him up as pay back.

Bad Mother!

I actually have a little post-it note stuck to my purse with a list of things I wanted to blog about but haven't found the time... Stupid life getting in the way. Ridiculous isn't it?


Heavenly Housewife said...

You are a great mom, and obviously your son thinks so too or it wouldnt matter to him if u kissed him goodbye or not. Try to lighten up on yourself. We all have off days.

Miranda said...

I agree with HH. You are a great mom. What makes you so great is all the feelings you feel because you know he is upset.

Keep your head up. The day will be over in no time and you will be cuddling your baby boy.

Pamela said...

I agree with both comments above me. You are a wonderful mom and that little guy loves you tremendously. Just hug and kiss him a little bit more when you get to him. Hang in there and keep smiling! You're doing great!