Wednesday, 23 September 2009

And just when I think you're gone, there you are

I have a stalker. I suppose everyone should have a stalker once in a while. I've had semi-stalkers before, Usually emo-type young men who slip poetry under my front door and dried flowers, or the obvious choice of a mix tape with a playlist consisting of such song like "I will always love you" and "My all". Gag. They're always a bit creepy but exciting, everyone likes a good weirdo story. I'm not one to be flattered by stalker tendencies though as I hate clinginess and the whole bull shit of "I need you to be happy". Blagh. No thanks, I got my own happiness to worry about.

Anyways, I might have gotten of track a little there. I have a stalker. This Stalker has been stalking me for over a year now. Despite my cold shoulder, my insults and threats she still persists. Ah yes! She. Let me tell you the story.
When Son was about 5 months old I was feeling a bit lonely and so joined a local mummy chat forum, hooking new mums up with each other. Sounded like a good idea at the time as I have no friends in the UK with children and was looking for someone to understand my stress and fears.

Stalker got in touch, and at first it was chatting through e-mail and finding out more about each other, she was not from the local area and although I had joined a 0-1yr babies group her son was 2+. I at first was hesitant because I felt I wanted someone more local and with a child Son's age so they could play, but she suggested we meet for coffee in London and I feeling desperately lonely, agreed.

It was good, normal, and fun. now let me share the kind of picture she painted for me regarding her life. She is from a wealthy back ground, she married a man with a very well paid job and is obviously spoilt and gets what she wants. Her and her son were both dressed in designer clothes. She doesn't see her husband much because if he's not working he's out at "business dinners" which usually end up making him miss the last bus home (...night buses?) which means he has to "crash on his female work colleagues couch"... Because she lives close to the office... Riiiight. Now, I'm not one to jump to conclusions (oh I so am, especially if they are juicy conclusions. I just usually keep them to myself) but sounds to me like there was an affair going on which she was either trying not to see or she is just really thick.

While we were having coffee she invited Husband, Son and I to come to her house for a BBQ that following day, I said we were not sure but I would let her know in the morning. This is when the stalker tendencies began.
Between when I left her that late afternoon and when I woke up in the morning I had 6 missed calls from her, and several texts. Each text said the same thing "Hope you and your son are doing well, can't wait to see you later!"...
Husband and I were both not very interested in going to her BBQ because we'd had a busy week and were looking forward to some lazy family time. Eventually, late that morning I text'd her to let her know we were declining the offer but that I would get in touch with her after the weekend so we could arrange another coffee date. I had hardly put my phone down before she had text'd me back with something along the lines of:

"Please come! My Husband has invited some of his work colleagues over and I will have no one to talk too, I can't do this on my own!"

Now, if there is one thing I hate more than clinginess it is desperateness. especially from someone I wouldn't consider a close friend and especially from someone I just met. It's a real turn off, you know?

But alas, I feel guilty and husband and I decide what the hell, we'll go. We met her husband and his "female work colleague"...Awkward! And obvious... The whole experience was very strange and she continued to be shocked any time Husband would pick up, cuddle or play with our Son. She would squeal "oh look at daddy with his baby!" and then she would hang around him making sure he was holding our Son right... OBVIOUSLY her Husband had little to do with their little boy. It was sad really, I didn't see him acknowledge his son once. Husband and I were there for 2 hours and then made our excuses to bolt. I was feeling very uncomfortable at this point because Stalker was showing a lot of interest in Husband and Son, almost as if she wanted them for herself... wanted to be me. This develops later.

Stalker offered to let us borrow a push chair of hers for a while since mine was wonky, as well. This I am telling you because it plays a big role later.

After we left this BBQ although there was definitely a few odd looks passed between Husband and I, we did not think too much of it. Just a lonely woman, looking for friends. WRONG. I received 8-10 calls and text's from her every day for the next 7 DAYS. I personally am not a big phone person, I can talk on the phone for hours sometimes, if I have something to say, but I won't have anything to say to you other than "stop calling" if you call me that much. I had told her upone leaving I would call her next weekend for a chat. She called. and called. and called. and text'd. I once or twice answered and said I was busy and would call her back that hour later, she would call. and call. and call. And she never had anything to say! just "hey, whats going on?".."ah, nothing, just thinking of blocking your number". In desperation at some point I agreed to go out for drinks with her that coming Friday assuming I could get a baby sitter (since Husband would not be home). Come Thursday I could not get a baby sitter (and I did try!) so I called to break the news. The guilt she rained down on me! How could I cancel at such short notice, didn't I know she had bought a new dress and booked a hair and makeup appointment (...I was under the impression we were going to the pub. not to meet the queen). I apologized and said "Well, you of all people should understand what it's like. My In-laws have plans, they can't baby sit" She hung up. then 5 minutes later called back with a number of a babysitter she had googled in my local area. PLEASE! really? I'm not leaving my 6 month old son with a woman I have never met and have no recommendations for. She said I was being selfish. I at this point said I had to go and I would call her when I had a chance.

This did not stop her. For the following two weeks she called and called and called and called. She text'd and acted like this was normal. Now the thing is, I have a lot of friends, some of my best friends I see only once a month if lucky, because we're busy people, we understand. I don't want to spend every free moment I have being the support for a woman I just met and lets be honest, is fucking creepy. After a few E-mails sent from Stalker asking why I was ignoring her and what was wrong, I discussed with Husband my options. Be a pussy and block her electronically and hope that's the end of it, Or do the good thing and tell her how it is and a kind goodbye.

I must have been drunk or something because I decided on the latter. It took me a good 10 minutes to get up the courage to call her because I, although when pressed can be quite nasty, am not one for causing strife. But I didn't want this woman in my life anymore, so it had to be done. The convo, went a little something like this:

Me: Listen, I'm feeling very uncomfortable with how much you are calling me. It's not appropriate especially since we hardly know each other.

Stalker: This is surprising... Especially since you were the one who said you'd call me and we could have coffee.

Me: Yeah, well that was before you started acting like this.

Stalker: Acting like what? I'm doing what any other best friend would do. Keeping in touch, supporting-

(This is when I cut her off)

Me: You're not my best friend...We met a month ago.

Stalker: Well..Not YET.

Me: .... (unsure how to deal with crazy people)

Stalker: It's alright. I get it, you need space. I promise I won't call so much.

Me: That's great. But the thing is, I don't want you to call at all. You've made this awkward and we hardly know each other so it's not like were invested. So I think we should just break it off with a nice goodbye and wish you all the best.

Stalker: Really? Well...why don't we just have a break. a couple of weeks, think things over before we do anything we regret

(Why do I feel like I'm breaking up with this woman...)

Me: I'd prefer you to just not call me ever again actually.

Stalker: I'll let you cool of and then call you later.

Me: No. Don't call. Finished. the end. Not so nice knowing you. Bye!

I go to hang up at this point. But just for measure, say into the mouth piece "NUTTER!"

...So mature.

So it's over. It's ended. Oh Thank god. I sat there breathing a sigh of relief, feeling free again. Until. My phone rings... It's her! Shit. I quickly reject the call. But it continues. for the next 3 days she calls and texts me over and over, leaves me messages, all sounding very breezy as if we never had that conversation. She did send me one e-mail saying she felt I betrayed her trust. BLAHBLAH. WotEVAH.

In her e-mail though she does ask me for her pram back. blast, I forgot we had that. After lots of convincing ("If I take it back she'll probably hog tie me and keep me in her closet!") Husband agrees he'll drop it buy her house. So off he goes...And when he returns he has this amused smirk on his face... Oh god. "What happened?" I ask. "She invited me in...for a drink. But she was all dressed up. Like, you know. And then said that if I ever needed to talk or wanted a shoulder to lean on, she was there for me"... I burst out laughing. THAT'S IT!! She doesn't want to be friends with me! She wants to BE ME! She wants my perfect handsome attentive husband and my cute perfect clever boy....Shit...good thing I cut it off.

So, I go out and spend £60 on an new phone because it allows me to block numbers and do exactly that. I unfriend her on Facebook and block her e-mail address... over a year later I still get a monthly friends request on Facebook from her with a little message "how's you and my boys?"


I know I can block her on Facebook too... But it's kind of interesting to see how long she'll keep trying. Husband things next time I should friend her and play it a bit, see what happens...For entertainment purposes. But this seems to me a little demonic. So, maybe not.


Pamela said...

Whoa. That sounds like a whole lotta crazy. Good idea getting the new phone and cutting this relationship short. Hope she doesn't start following you!

JenJen said...

Good LORD. What a fucking nutjob. That woman needs a therapist, or a padded room, or something. Now.

Heavenly Housewife said...

I bet she was just super lonely (and yes, also a big freaky doo!). At first I was jealous when I started reading this post. I thought hey? HOw come moi doesn't have any stalkers???? Am i not ultra fab??? But then as I got toward the end of the post, I changed my mind.

yummy said...

Woahhhh....!!!!! Crazy stalker and a woman too.

My boys... OMG my skin crawled. Like single white female the film.

Hope she buggers off luvee - if not get an order out on her. (((Hugs)))

B x

confused homemaker said...

That is awkward, I hope that she's able to make the friend she's looking for without it turning into a situation like this again. Because that would have made me uncomfortable too.

Helene said...

Wow, that's super creepy! I think you were smart to end the whole thing. She was just too involved and I think you were right about her probably trying to make a play for your husband. She sounds really lonely...but that's not exactly the way to go around making friends!!

BTW, I love what you said in your profile about fantasizing how glamorous marriage and motherhood would be. It's SOOOO far from the truth, isn't it?

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog yesterday and making my SITS day the best ever!

Pam said...

Holy crazy woman! I can't believe someone would be like that. She is seriously messed up.

Hilary said...

On a purely selfish level, this was the most entertaining thing I have read all week :) On a serious note, I have been in your shoes and I know it can be scary. I was stalked by a man I met in Edinburgh, and over a few weeks I slowly realized that he thought we were in a relationship. In the end the police had to get involved and it was all incredibly creepy and freaky and unsettling. I'm glad it sounds as if your problems are coming to an end!

Elizabeth said...

Wow! What a story!
That woman definitely needs serious help, but it's not your job to help her. Good job handling it.