Yesterday I had a long conversation with my Mum about having another baby. It ended essentially with my mum pointing out that if I had so many doubts about expanding the clan then that was my answer in it self. No. I agreed with this and when Husband came home and I broke the news he seemed relieved.
Later that evening Husband was sorting through some uploaded video's on the computer. Video's of Son when he was a baby. Both of us sat there watching him, at 3 months, 6 months, 10 months and so on... We were both ooooing and awwwing and then I said "Screw it, lets have another one!" and Husband excitedly agreed.
But again, on reflection. I don't know. When I see pregnant women, or small babies or pictures of Son from when he was young, I get extremely broody. But take those things away and the thought of another baby makes me go all psycho. Another one?! Why add something to an already perfect mix?! I LIKE the idea of it being me and my two boys, and god forbid what if it was a girl? I don't think I could handle a teenage daughter. I'd age before my time, of this I am sure.
It's alright for me though because if I say no now, I've still go a good 10 years of baby making in me, Husband...although of course men don't have menopause, he is getting on now. He's not old but if we waited say 5 years and then had another baby he'd be 60+ by the time the second one was 18. Now that's old. And I want my Husband to myself again one day, you know?
I can't decide... I figure though we can go one of two ways if we do want another one. Have a 2-3 year age gap (so I get pregnant within the next year) OR have a bigger age gap of 7-9 years.
I loved being pregnant and I had a very easy pregnancy too, the birth was easy in the sense of no complications and I didn't tear (though it was the most painful 24 hours of my life...yes. 24 hours!)... It's not even the whole baby thing that puts me off. I totally would be happy to do the diapers, breastfeeding, weaning and everything again. I loved breastfeeding and weaning! And I quite proudly say I think I'm a natural mother (It helps that I was looking after much younger siblings and running a day care when I was in my teens) and have found this first 18 months of his life an absolute pleasure. Of course there are the moments when you consider throwing your child out of a two story window (not really!...well...nearly at least), but Husband is usually there to pull me from the brink (be it sending me for a hot bath while he takes over before I go nuts, or doing the chores while I manage the teething/vomiting/pooping baby) yeah. I'm good at this. I like it.
So why am I so hesitant to have another one? What is Son hated me for it? What if I couldn't love them both the same? What if they hated each other? What if god forbid the second baby took my body to the point of no return!?!! I mean, I just got my figure back!
There is only one way to get this of my mind... Retail therapy. I'll be back later after some serious abuse has been done to the credit card.
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- ▼ September (20)