Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Excuse me, where is the bathroom?

I was born with a condition. It's a part of me that I have always accepted and embraced, it makes me who I am.
My Husband often cringes from it, and begs me to control it but I cannot help myself.

My name is Eve, and I have verbal diarrhea.

I can't help myself. I have no modesty or shame.

If you ask me a question, I answer it. No hesitation. Even if you would rather have the "socially polite" answer I'm still going to give you the truth. Wanna know how my Husband and I met? I could give you the dulled down romantic version, but no, I blurt out "we had an affair and were really only together in the beginning for the thrill of the sex"... Yes, I used this answer when my boss asked me how I met him.
But you wanna know something? You don't even have to ask me a question, I'll tell you everything anyways. In detail if you like, thought I do draw the line at favourite sexual positions and the like (This is a new quality though after embarrassing my husband at his most recent work Christmas party).

I don't mind being this up front... Not most of the time. I'm often told it makes me approachable, friendly, charming with a child-like air. That's cool. I like being those things. And I've got a wicked sense of humor and quick tongue. Most people realize that as I'm spewing my life story and every minute detail about myself the majority of words that are coming out of my mouth are sarcastic, exaggerated and meant for entertainment more so than they are meant to be informative. But sometimes... Sometimes I wish I could control it.

It's at night when I'm laying in bed that I start going over all the things I blurted out during the day and I start to cringe.
It's the bain of my husbands life thought ironically it was also the first thing about me that he fell in love with. My honesty, the whole "wearing my heart on my sleeve" gig. He loved it, found it charming, endearing and funny. I loved making him laugh.

The tables have turned now though because when I start spewing home truths now a days they are mostly about him. My husband has become the butt crack of my jokes and tales. He handles it graciously most of the time, but there are times when he gets exasperated by my slips of the tongue. rightly so as well when I starts spewing in front of a room full of psychoanalysts (my work colleagues). I'm a gold mine for them, I am sure.

I suppose you're thinking "why tell you husband when you do these confessions of his more private stories in a public inappropriate face, what he doesn't know won't hurt him"... Did you just miss the whole point of this post?

I can't keep my mouth shut.

It comforts my husband too though as he knows I'd never cheat on him because the first thing I would do is call him to tell him the gossip. oops.


Heavenly Housewife said...

My Mr P suffers from this. I never met a boy who talked so much. But i love him :D
*kisses* HH

grace said...

THANKS for the chuckles this morning. :) i'm actually the opposite--i try to plan out exactly what i'm gonna say before i ever open my mouth to speak. clearly, i don't speak very much because by the time i've formed my sentence, we've moved on to another topic. :)