Thursday, 27 November 2008

In which death has reached me

I've been meaning to write up a particular post for a week now because finally something exciting happened!
But shortly after said exciting thing happened I was hit by a viral infection and I can barely focus on the keys let alone trying to write my story down in a manner it deserves.

We are also moving on Saturday... And have packed nothing. So it's crunch time and unfortunately I can't do much more than sit on the couch and will myself not to vomit over my son. God bless him for being a good boy the last few days.
I think he knows I'm sick and is making life easier on me.

This viral infection better be gone by tomorrow or I may just do something drastic... Like hibernate.

Monday, 17 November 2008

In which I begin to recount my history

I've realized that my blog is boring. This may have something to do with the fact that my life is boring at the moment. Well... Not boring, but uneventful and full of routine, which I am told having a young baby does to ones life. This is fine, I can deal with this for the time being because I get out of it a wonderful beautfiul little boy.

But my blog is suffering when it has only just begun.

So I've decided that for the next few posts I will recount how I got to where I am today. I mean, really, this blog tells you nothing really about be except I'm married, have a baby, am not working, and love sex with the husband.

There is more to me. Really.

So how did I get to where I am today?

Let's start at the beginning.

When I was 4 my family immigrated to America from England (Bristol to be exact) where we flirted from state to state for a good while, even spending a year in France while my father obtained his PhD in computer science, eventually we ended up in California where the majority of my youth was spent. If you ask me I will tell you I am Californian, because although my blood may be English my culture is that of a Californian, and I am proud of it. I consider myself American although I in fact am not an American citizen (we'll get to why later). Here's another crazy fact, I was homeschooled my whole life. Never went to school, ever. I went to college when I was 16 and took some random classes, mostly music classes but never came away with any degree or anything, my attention span is to short for that unfortunately.

Growing up in California was amazing, i loved it, I had a tight knit of friends and we ran the neighborhood even after dark because it was safe. We were good kids as well, never did drugs, never drank, never ran over our curfuws. The majority of the boys in our group were in a garage band at one time or another and now in their 20's are all touring the west coast with their current bands, we are all still in touch and I still very much care for every one of them. The only shadow on my youth was my father, whom other than stating he wasn't nice to me I am not going to discuss him because he is my past, not actively in my life anymore, I've never been happier because of it and I don't even want to waste my time writing about someone who is a waste of time.

But he did drive me mad, to the point of depression which is why as soon as I turned 18 I fucked off too England.

the plan originally was to spend 6 months "discovering myself" and then move back state side, but as I am sure everyone knows, plans always change.

I arrived in England with $3000 to my name, I was young, suddenly legal to drink and a virgin. My late Nana (My fathers mother) lived in Hounslow and offered me a place to stay. There I spent just over a month, doing not much more than writing and crying as I tried to sort out all my emotions and fears. I use to make a point to drink two pints every night because I knew I could and I would sit out in her garden chain smoking through pack after pack of clove cigerettes. I didn't like living there although I loved my grandparents, they were over protective and I felt like I'd left one parents house to only enter another, I wanted to be on my own, learn who I was without other people there.

I went to visit my late Granny and Granddad (My mothers side) who were and will always be my hero's and the most beautiful people I have ever known. While I was there they got me in contact with my cousin.

So I moved out of my Nana's and down too Oxford where my cousins lived. They were a couple in their 50's/60's though I couldn't tell you how old exactly and I loved them. They didn't give a rats what I did, they sat with me in the evening until midnight chain smoking and downing whiskey and voldka. They talked honestly with me and laughed with me like I was equal and not just some stupid kid. I lived with them for 2 months before I suddenly realized I had run out of money and I needed a job.

I had a friend through LiveJournal at this time who lived in Birmingham, a friend I really cared for and felt I could open up to. She helped me find a place to live, my first own place... And with that I headed to Birmingham although I'm sad to say by the time I arrived in Birmingham her and I were no longer friends due to a fall out I will never understand and do not hold against her after so many years, I hope shes doing well...

so there I was, broke, expected to pay rent and feed myself in a shared house full of men... I was terrified. I knew nobody. I was still a nieve virgin. and as they say, I had the whole world at my feet....

Sunday, 16 November 2008

In which I explain

Someone asked me recently why I call myself Eve on my blog, because (clever you for catching on) that is not my real name.

Well, if you've seen the movie "Young wives' tale" then you'll know Audrey Hepburn play's a character called Eve Lester.

I chose this name (and title of my blog) because I love/worship/lust after Audrey (back when). She is my girl. I plan on investing in a huge portrait of her and hanging it in my bedroom when I have some money. Husband is aware of this.

BUT in fact, choosing Eve because Audrey happened to play her in a 'Young wives' tale' is not the first reason I chose Eve. I chose Eve before I named my blog because of Adam and Eve. I wanted a powerful woman... and whom more powerful than the woman that sinned first and brought man to where they are today. shame on us.

Also, while on the subject of names... If anyone (that doesn't know me personally) would like to guess my name I will give them some money. "some" depending how much I have at the time. For example; if you were to guess correct now, I would be able to give you $10... BUT guess on Friday and I might be able to give you $50... because Husband gets paid... Guess once I've started working again etc.etc. I'll give you some more.

I'm like
Rumplestiltskin... you'll never ever guess.

Friday, 14 November 2008

In which I get it on with a stripper

I've been meaning to mention this before; I got it off with a stripper.

Ok, this deserves more than just a mention so I'll tell you a story.

Husbands 39th birthday was recently so for his birthday we got all our close friends together (about 10 of us) had a nice meal and a few (a.lot) of margaritas at The Texas Embassy (our favorite joint) and then headed over to a Lap Dancing club so I could buy my husband a Birthday lap dance. Exciting. I was probably looking forward to this more than he was.

So we get there and unfortunately the majority of the girls are well...not of our taste. Beautiful girls, just not what we wanted. Then we spotted this little fiery brunette who was going crazy on the dance floor climbing the pole, swinging, air guitaring, she was full of spunk and has this hot red dress clinging to her hothot body.

So I approach the manager and point her out and say we want her and the manager tells me she isn't dancing tonight. So I go back to husband and break the news, he says he doesn't want anyone else and he doesn't want her to dance for him anyway, he wants to watch her dance for me. Ok, so I approach the manager again and he calls her over.

Me: Would you dance for me instead of my husband, he would just watch.
Dancer: I don't dance. Ever. I've never done a strip or a lap dance, i just work the floor.
Me: oh. Well, I only want you. I'll pay more if you like and you can just go down to your underwear.
Dancer: (giving me the once over) You want me?
Me: Yes.
Dancer: Ok. But only for you, and I might not be good, it's my first time.
Me: Mine too.

so we go to a private booth with husband in tow, she leaves us to get comfortable and when she comes back she is smiling and giving me eyes. She apologizes, saying she is sorry if she laughs but it's her first time and I smile and tell her it's ok, she'll be fine, she's beautiful.

So she starts. She dances taking her clothes off rather quickly. It is obvious it is her first time but it doesn't matter because she IS beautiful and her smile is making me feel at ease. She stradles me, runs her hands down my thighs, cups my breasts.. I'm keeping my hands tight at my sides as I have read enough books to believe that I should not touch... She takes my hand and places it on her thong clad ass and then kisses me, briefly, and I am stunned... Did I pay for this? Is this how a lap dance usually goes? She comes close, whispers in my ear that I am sexy, that she wants me. The song is nearing the end, I can tell because I picked it, but she climbs into my lap again and kisses me again, holds me against the couch with her mouth, forces my hands to caress her hips and waist. We are still kissing as the song comes to an end. She tastes like toothpaste, fresh and she is so very soft and it's a shock and pleasure for me because it has been so long since I kissed another woman that I had almost forgotten how good it is. She rolls off my lap and sits beside me, smiling and flushed. I hope you liked it, she says. I smile and tell her it was the best and then she gets dressed and walks out.

Husband slinks over to sit next to me, I had forgotten he was there, he is smiling. I laugh and we sit for a while and repeat to each other "Hot!"

When we finally emerge my girl is back on the dacne floor with her fellow dancers tearing it up, we sit down, watch and then she catches my eye and beckons me over, Of course I have to go, and we dance, her teaching me moves on the poles, me failing horribly, she asks me to come back, tells me she wants me. I so very badly wanted to ask her to come back to the hotel with us but didn't want to step over the line.


I wanted her so badly, still want her. But I can not tell if she wanted me or was doing it because that's what her job is. It doesn't matter really because whatever her reasons I enjoyed it.

Husband has promised to take me back there when we have some money to blow.

I. Can't. Wait.

In which I wonder why they are all the same

I often wonder if all men have the same gene that makes them, at some point in the relationship, feel that they have the right to "give you advice" on how you should act and dress.

Is this just my experience with me or is it a general man thing, no matter how good a man he be?

My husband is excellent, we have generally an excellent relationship, a much better one than the ones I hear about through the complaints of friends. BUT despite that he still ocasionaly has to give me "advice" (and I hate that he call's it that. It's not advice, it's you telling me how to be) on how I should be, the person I should be.

He criticizes my dress sense a lot which I can't understand because I haven't changed my dress sense in the last 2 years (I actually don't have a dress sense.. I just dress to how I want others to perceive me that day. Alternative, Punk, Preppy, Power suit etc. I can pull it all off), But why is he making remarks about the shoes I'm wearing or if my skirt is so short when that is what attracted him to me in the first place?

Also, it is known I have a big mouth, not in the sense that I spill secrets but that if someone strikes up a conversation with me I am totally honest, I don't like to put on a front if someone asks I tell, if they don't like it then we probably wouldn't be good friends anyways. I feel I have nothing to be ashamed of and don't have time for people if they are going to judge me so I'd much rather wear it all on my sleve and let them take it or leave it.
THIS very trait is what Phil first said made him notice me and when he first told me he loved me he told me he loved my youthful honesty.

Now, it's a different story. I talk to much, I tell to much. fuck off. I don't get it.

It's not all the time but he says it in passing sometimes and it makes my blood boil. I do not want someone trying to change me, i won't tolerate it and I am not at all afraid to leave him because of it if this continued or got worse.
I spent half my youth with my father trying to make me someone I was not and then 3 years with my first boyfriend trying to do the same. I've come to far to let it happen again.

I'm not perfect and yes, there are plenty of things that I don't like about myself always, but I accept them and I take note of them and they are MINE to fix, not someone elses.

Silly men.

This all said though, he is an amazing husband, but of course not perfect, as I am not the perfect wife. I am not planning on leaving him, I have never even entertained the thought...BUT these remarks, his opinions, they are not opinions too me, they are direction. Maybe it is because I am sensitive to it because I have heard the same thing from others when they have been trying to change me... Maybe lots of things. Maybe I can't even be bothered to think about it anymore.

I guess the good thing is my confidence is so strong that I am, in fact, amazing that It never makes me worry or hesitate.

Thing is though... although I'm not afraid to leave my husband if something serious happen (not that I'm planning on nor think I ever will) I would so very much miss the sex. The sex is.awesome.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

In which I find my home

Last night Husband and I went a viewed an apartment. My apartment. THE apartment.
If I didn't know better I would swear the landlady designed that apartment with me in mind.

It is perfect. Beautiful. It's like walking into an Ikea show room. All wood floors, sleek and funky.

And there is a garden! With a shed that could so easily be made into a Chalet at the bottom of the garden. It's double glazed and has power. It'll be my writing study.

I've never wanted an apartment so badly. I'm desperate for the place.

The agent told me the landlady is VERY picky about who takes it and has already turned down one offer.
I think we'll get it because we are the perfect tennants, but I'm still sick with nerves that she'll say no, and if she says no I know no other apartment will compare.

The agent shall me calling me today to arrange an interview with the landlady. I'll be wearing my best dress...Which is hard actually because most of my clothes are either punk/indi or short skirt/slutty.... Were is my "black dress"?
I must have one somewhere.

I'm hoping my husband's world renowned charm will get us this place and also my son's cute smiley face.

He will be dressed in his best garb too. I want her to think we're a well to do, quiet, clean and happy family.

The happy and clean part is true.

Monday, 10 November 2008

In which I mark myself

I spent the weekend with my good friend 'K' and we have decided to get some more tattoos. I have picked out three and I plan on getting all three but it's which one first now... Although I can't get any tattoes until my dear son stops breastfeeding which I'm thinking will be in the next two weeks... Gradually weaning him off now.

Breastfeeding is an interesting thing, I find myself feeling very primal but accomplished knowing I've breastfed my son.

But I'll tell you one thing, now that I've done it I am so so SO getting a boob job. Told hubby he's got 2 years to save up for my boob job and I'll be expecting it for my 26th birthday. 26 seems like a good age to get them...

I'm not at all above plastic surgery. Hubby does not really want me to get it done, but I so do... I'll have my tummy tucked too if this hanging loose flesh dose not pull itself in. I love my son, but my young 20something body is ruined. I put on 45lb when I was pregnant... I was a size 18-20 after I gave birth. My wedding dress was a size 10. I've dropped most of it and am now back at a size 12-14... still need to loose a little more but thank god for, without them it would have taken me a lot longer to drop those pounds.

This is the most pointless post of all time. I have nothing profound to say.

Maybe later.

Saturday, 8 November 2008

In which I have a Sabbatical

So, What's it been... a year? Last time I wrote here I was pregnant and working and married...well.

I'm not pregnant anymore, Gave birth to a lovely beautiful baby boy after the most gruesome labor ever, decided not having anymore kids after that shit, thought i am left with a great feeling of achievement . My son is 8 months old now and one of those babies that IS perfect. Sleeps through the night, smiles and laughs all the time and rarely cries (except when teething) and loves his food, and as of yet, despite having teeth, has not chomped my nipples off. Also he's beautiful (beautiful people make beautiful babies), looks like the gurber baby.

Not working, quit my job in August and am now looking into getting a new much better paid job start of January. It looks like it's all lined up just need to talk to the people who are hiring me... They don't know yet, but I'm sure I'll get the job.

Married wise. Yup, still married. Still happy. Had a couple of rough months after the birth in which I hated and blamed husband for being the worst husband ever despite (and I only realize this looking back on it) him being generally perfect and supporting. He's also a great amazing father. WAY too cute for my heart to hold it all.

Looking for a new flat to move into so we're back in London and it's easier for us to have a social life (difficult when all your friends live central and you live out in the sticks and don't drive...and have a kid),

Christmas is soon and it's true what they say about having kids, they drain your bank account... Well I've drained it buying him so many clothes and shoes it makes my wardrobe look minuscule (which is a hard feat)

This is just a quick update about where we are in life right now since, as I said, it's been a year. I would give excuses but really I don't feel I need to because, fuck, I just has a baby. Life changing and all.

I'm getting back on track now, so I'll see you all again soon.