Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
I received a disturbing message off of her yesterday:
You might not remember me, we met once for coffee and then lost touch. My Son died very suddenly and without cause 2 months ago, I am still in shock. Just thought you should know.
I'm not sure what to make of this. I am sad. Terribly. Because no Mother can be unmoved by the loss of a child. Someones child. Even if you don't like that someone.
But my paranoid brain is working over time and wondering how her 4 year old has died suddenly without cause...
And then that maternal instinct to reply and comfort because...god.... to loose a child.
Am I am a bad person for continuing to ignore her and for having no interest in getting back into that dysfunctional relationship?
I don't think so, but that doesn't stop me from feeling a little bit guilty.
I was born with a condition. It's a part of me that I have always accepted and embraced, it makes me who I am.
Tuesday, 6 April 2010
I feel like I'm on the cusp of creating something beautiful and usable and enjoyable and if only I could figure these two last things out. I have a date to video chat my brother in an attempt to get him to walk me through it but OH why must I be so useless with such things?
Soon my lovelies...soon. In the mean time you can expect a post tomorrow from me focusing on my big mouth. I know, you're already salivating for it aren't you? Surely!
Thursday, 1 April 2010
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Why a Pineberry of course. On Sky News this morning it's all the talk (War? what war? Murders? huh? Fruit is definitely a more important headline), The new fruit: Pineberries.
If you are lucky enough to live near a Waitrose then get your butt down there because they go out of season in 5 weeks times.
It's all very exciting IF it's true. While reading all the reports on this new and exciting fruit I am very aware of what the date is tomorrow and how notorious the British Press are for pulling one on the public.
But If it is true already my brain is working over load on the kind of fun deserts I can create. And I will. I am lucky enough to live quite close to a very large Waitrose and will be visiting there in the next few days in hopes to stock up.
Have you heard of Pineberries? Do you know if they are real? Do you have any suggestions on recipes?
I'll keep you updated.
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
I'm not sure but I do know I feel like I need a holiday from being busy. And no I don't want to sit on a beach or go somewhere on a relaxing vacation, I want time to do my laundry and mop my floor and I want to be able to organize my pantry and sit down and watch trashy television and go to the shops without having to rush. ENJOY a normal, mundane, routine day.
That is what I want.
I've had a very busy past few weeks with visits from old American friends and EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG's Birthday (which involves some sort of party or visit) I have been socializing too much for my liking. Not that I didn't enjoy every minute off it, but I'm ready for a good month of normality now before anyone asks me to do anything else that involves disrupting my homely routine.
We have bought our tickets to fly home end of May for 3 weeks to enjoy (and I organize) my sisters wedding and I am ITCHING to get home. I haven't been home for 3 years. It's a long time.
I obviously have also been neglecting you, for which I apologize.
I have a study now, at the end of our garden (god bless my handy man husband) and I have been enjoying hiding in there and pouring over books and recipes and thinking of blogging. Eventually when I get wireless I'll be able to dedicate this as my blogging room and you may all see more of me. I hope I will be able to become a larger more constructive part of this community as well.
Once I get back on my toes I will also be holding a Foodie Pay It Forwards in which 3 of you will be the recipients of a foodie goodies box from the UK.
Thursday, 25 February 2010
- Beetroot contains betaine, a substance that relaxes the mind and is used to treat depression. It also contains trytophan (also found in chocolate!) which contributes to a sense of well being.
- The Romans considered beetroot an aphrodisiac (it’s rich in the mineral boron which is important in the production of human sex hormones). The belief persists to this day that if a man and a woman eat from the same beetroot, they will fall in love (with each other, presumably.)
- It’s an excellent source of folic acid and is therefore recommended to women who are pregnant or planning to become pregnant.
- Cooked beetroot is a great source of folate that can protect you against high blood pressure, Alzheimer’s and dementia. It is also crucial to the development of a baby’s spinal cord during the first three months of pregnancy, so a good intake of folate is important to prevent spinal cord defects such as spina bifida.
- Beetroot is a naturally environmentally-friendly crop, rarely needing treatment with pesticides.
If you're still unsure about trying beets (why?!) then why don't you have a look over these recipes to get your taste buds tingling?
Borscht Soup - A classic beetroot soup originating from Poland.
Beetroot, Avocado and Goats Cheese Salad served with Parma Ham - The combination is. peeeerfect.
Beetroot and Onion Chutney - I heart this so much.
Beetroot & Wild Mushrooms Tartlet in Filo Pastry - Why wouldn't you?
But my favourite easy way to curb my Beetroot craving? Couple of slices of whole meal bread, several slices of beetroot dipped in malt vinegar arranged on top, salt, pepper and a generous sprinkling of cheddar cheese... Toasted of course.
All information comes from www.lovebeetroot.co.uk .... Yeah, thats right people, they've even got their own website. Booyah.
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Beetroot and Seed Cake225g self-raising flour
½ tsp bicarbonate of soda
1 scant tsp baking powder
½ tsp ground cinnamon
180ml sunflower oil
225g light muscovado sugar
150g raw beetroot
juice of half a lemon
75g sultanas or raisins
75g mixed seeds (sunflower, pumpkin, linseed)
for the icing:
8 tbsp icing sugar
lemon juice or orange blossom water
Set the oven at 180C/gas mark 4. Lightly butter a rectangular loaf tin (20cm x 9cm x 7cm deep, measured across the bottom) then line the bottom with baking parchment.
Sift together the flour, bicarbonate of soda, baking powder and cinnamon. Beat the oil and sugar in a food mixer until well creamed then introduce the beaten egg yolks one by one, reserving the whites for later.
Grate the beetroot coarsely and fold into the mixture, then add the lemon juice, raisins or sultanas and the assorted seeds. Fold the flour and raising agents into the mixture while the machine is turning slowly.
Beat the egg whites till light and almost stiff. Fold gently but thoroughly into the mixture with a large metal spoon (a wooden one will knock the air out). Pour the mixture into the cake tin and bake for 50-55 minutes, covering the top with a piece of foil after 30 minutes. Test with a skewer to see if done. The cake should be moist inside but not sticky. Leave the cake to settle for a good 20 minutes before turning out of its tin on to a wire cooling rack.
To make the icing, sieve the icing sugar and stir in enough lemon juice or orange blossom water to achieve a consistency where the icing will run over the top of the cake and dribble slowly down the sides (about three teaspoonfuls), stirring to remove any lumps. Drizzle over the cake and scatter with poppy seeds. Leave to set before eating.
Thursday, 11 February 2010
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
I recently bought the Hummingbird Bakery Recipe book and I honestly don't think it gets much better than this. Do you know the Hummingbird? It's quite famous/well known/elite here in the UK, though I'm not sure about the USA.
It's pretty much the most perfect place for American Baked goods in the UK and you should check it out even if it's just to look at the pretty pictures.
I'm left with a dilemma now though. I'm making my own Birthday cake next week and I can't decide between making a Salted Caramel Chocolate Cake, Tres Leches Cake or Red Velvet.... What would you like? I of course could make all three.... maybe... but then which one do I take to work? I'm leaning towards the Salted Caramel because it sound posh and complicated and more likely to impress.
Moving on to further random it's week 3 of daily crunches and backside exercises for yours truly.. I think, think I can feel muscles. Now just to get rid of this layer or chub and I might finally be able to see this supermodel body I've been waiting for. hah. yeah. right. This is of course after I eat the three birthday cakes I'm going to make myself.
Did I mention Potty training starts soon... Stage 1 is in progress in which I attempt to get Son to have a sit on the pot while I get him changed in the morning and at night. So far not so good. He doesn't want to do it. No questions asked. So we'll be taking it slow, no pressure, and when he feels ready we'll go for it full on.
Ah... I do love me some random.
Thursday, 4 February 2010
No, YOUR Mom! ... It's here again, the day when we all rack our brains to remember if he had an hour of "me time". Well I did. In fact I had nearly a whole weekend. GASP. It rocked.
Saturday night Husband and I were booked to be attending Wife's 30th Birthday Bash. Since it was in London and we haven't been "properly" out for a long time we decided to hand Son off to the in-laws and book a hotel in the city. The hotel was only about 20 minutes from the venue, a bar called Sway in Holborn. We checked in around 4pm and thanks to who my Husband is got access to all the executive areas and took full advantage of the lounge, canapes and wine. The party itself wasn't bad though neither Husband or I's scene. We're not 'clubbing' people. Both of us like to dance and we both like to be out and social but I (despite my age) feel very old when I go to clubs. Also, WAY too many people for me. When I go out I like to go out to spend time and catch up with my friends, not too fight off unwanted advances from men, and I'd like to say that being there with my Husband would prevent this but if he's not laughing at me then he's fighting the ladies off too.
It was a good night though, we all got rather merry, Wife didn't stress and flap about too much, Husband was offered a 'quick one' in the bathroom by one of Wife's friends who despite the fact that I was dancing with Husband at the time thought she might have a chance. Yeah, right girl. And we still made it back to the hotel in time for midnight.
The best part of the whole weekend of course was the hotel breakfast. You can't beat a hotel breakfast.
I find it very strange though how because I don't do a big night out often I really really crave them but then as soon as I have them I realize there are things I would rather be doing. i.e. nice meal out, dinner party, movies, west end show. I guess marriage and motherhood have made me old ;)
Wednesday, 3 February 2010
I thought I'd share with you a few of my favourite quotes revolving around being a wife and mother.
To be today's real women, you need to have the physique of Venus, the cunning of Cleopatra, the courage of Joan of Arc, the wardrobe of Marie Antoinette and the cleaning ability of Ammonia D.
- Joyce Jillson
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.
- Marion Smith
Among all forms of absurd courage, the courage of girls is outstanding. Otherwise there would be fewer marriages.
- Colette (Sidonie Gabrielle)
When men cook, cooking is viewed as an important activity; when women cook, it is just a household chore.
-Margaret Mead (1901-1978)
I found this quote last week and ironically the day after I had a "discussion" with my Husband about how he seemed to treat the bathroom like a wet room. Seems like men have been doing this for years... So I guess I have no hope.
Men never drip before getting out of the shower. They saturate themselves and then plunge headlong into a towel - leaving the bathroom as though it's been through a hard time in the North Sea.
- Pam Brown B. 1928
Friday, 29 January 2010
Despite being only 25 and the youngest amongst my friends and family here in England, I am often mistaken for being older. And when I say often I mean: Anyone that didn't know how old I was before they met me.
The general age bracket I am placed into is 26-30 at first glance. And upon discovering I am married and have a son this shoots up to 30-35.
Why? Ahem, and I quote: Because only stupid women would marry and have children before they're 30.
Why thank you.
Not only do I look old, but I'm stupid. It's cool. What do you think?
The reason behind this was that before 30 you are too young and immature and not ready and why would you throw your life away that soon?
It is often assumed amongst people that I was knocked up when I walked down the isle and that is the only reason I would marry someone 15 years my senior.
Isn't it funny how the majority of people wear blinkers? I am often shocked at how close-minded people are. And education has nothing to do with it, the above quote was said by one of the Psychologists at my work. A Doctor no less.
It makes me laugh because I hear their comments and then I look at what they are telling me about their lives and although of course I don't know the whole story they never come across as strong as you would expect. And here I am, yes; young. yes; married. yes; a mother. yes; fucking happy. I know I've said it before but I dig my life. I made the exact right choices for me.
And I say this without hesitation, I know I am a far better mother than some of the 30+ mothers I know. Granted two of these mother I know are completely bonkers. But you think my Son is so happy, and clever and brave and strong and confident JUST because we got lucky? No, a big part of that is because we are good parents.
Don't judge me because of my age or how I've chosen to live my life.
And while I'm on that note, there is nothing that saddens me and pisses me off more than women being nasty to women without any reason other than that they didn't do exactly what you did. I made a comment on my Facebook status about how I really enjoyed Belle De Jour and Billie Pipers interview
and pretty much every straight girl I know (none of my close friends thank god) commented on how they hated them because they were ho's and "not that good looking anyway" ... Shit, try and look a little deeper people. But first, why not try starting with yourself?
Don't tarnish me with your brush just because I like who I am.
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Theta Mom Thursday is BACK. I couldn't be happier because one of husband and I's New Year resolutions was to get more "me time" for both of us, and this is one NY-res I've been keeping! Husband... not so much. But that's his problem, not mine.
Anyways, Me Me Me! Right?
I'll do a quick run down.
every 4 weeks Sunday evening myself and two of my girlfriends from work go to the pictures, it's a new well loved tradition for the three of us because we've managed to work out that if we pre-buy the tickets and then go to Frankie & Benny's for a pitcher of cocktail between us and a shared desert we only pay £15 each. and £15 for a great girly night out? Well, I'm not complaining.
I've been taking advantage of Christmas Gifts such as Lush Bath Products, Books from my wish list and bottles of wine. combined, this is a stella evening in for me and I've been making a point to do it weekly.
Another one of Husband and I's NY-res was that every 3rd Friday of the month we will be having "date night". Our babysitter has been organized and our first "date" will be next month.
January tends to be busier than December for me, mostly because my 4 closest friends all have birthday's and then it's February and it's Valentines day and my Birthday. So there will be lots of parties and dinners over the coming 4 weeks.
Also a new tradition has begun to brew in our household over the last 3 weeks.
Monday is Baking Day - Son and I will endeavor to make those cakes I spoke about!
Friday is Margarita/Foodie night - Inspired by Pam over at Sidewalk Shoes, Husband will be in charge of making the drinks and I will be making a new "up market" grow up dinner. Just. for. us.
What did I say recently about 2010? I have a feeling I am going to be right.
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
I started therapy 8 months ago. Last Thursday was my last session. Not because our time was up or because I couldn’t hack it, But because I’m, for lack of a better word… Fixed.
And much to my surprise I’m not angry anymore. Not at all. A little sad, yes. But not about my Father, I’m sad I never had a father. I plan on writing up a more conclusive post regarding my time in therapy and how I feel now but this will be a more revealing post (dark but I think with a positive edge) so I’ll save it for my (rarely used) Psychoanalyze This blog.
But to sum up I’m good now. Unaffected. Acknowledging. Embracing. Strong. Proud. Brave. I’m not going to put happy there because even before therapy I wasn’t a un-happy person, I was haunted. I’ve always been a happy, chin-up kinda gal. But I’ve finally put down that big bag of shit I was carrying around.
I am sad though, in a nostalgic kind of way. What bought this on was Vicky’s post over at Frugal Mom Knows Best regarding her Dad and it made me realize I never had what she is describing, and never will. Like a lot of people I suppose but I don’t wish MY father had been that Dad, because he no longer exists in that context to me. But I do wish I had a Dad.
Vicky wrote this:
I TRULY believe that anyone off the street can be a biological father, but it takes a real man to be a dad. A dad is someone who worries about you. A dad is someone who teaches you, guides you, protects you. A dad is someone who leads by example. A dad is someone who will never be too proud to tell his children he made a mistake. A dad is someone who will absolutely never turn his back on you, will never give up no matter how many times you push him away. A dad is someone who will have a glimmer of pride in his eye as they watch you get a diploma, and a glimmer of tears as he walks you down the aisle. A dad is someone who will love your children as much as he loves you, because they are a part of you. A dad is someone who worries about you and checks your oil/tires/whatever to make sure you are safe. A dad is someone who wipes away your tears and brushes back your hair to comfort you. A dad is someone who hugs you so tight you can feel the love. A dad is someone that makes you KNOW you matter to him.
Reading that again makes me choke up because it seems like a nice thing to have. I’m lucky I suppose that I had my late-grandfather who is and always will be the best man I’ve ever known and my hero, and now my father-in-law who fills the hole quite nicely, but there is still that hole and it makes me miss my Granddad terribly.
My mother, who I have a very strong relationship with, wasn’t always able to make me safe and I forgive her now and understand why and also thank her because her mistakes have made me a better mother, which I am eternally grateful for.
What is it they say? … You are what you make of yourself not what they make of you.
Whatever it is, one of the things I love most is being me. I’m really quite a rad person to be. I mean, I’d read my blog… you know? ;)
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Saturday, 23 January 2010
This was my bath last night. I know what ya'll are thinking, and no, it wasn't because of that.
One of my Christmas presents was a box of Lush's Bath Ballistics. Which is all well and good and most of them were except Satsumo Santa. Satsumo Santa was a citrus Bath Ballistic and he was last to go from my box of lovely smelly's only because I'm not a huge fan of citrus bath products.
From the moment I dropped little fat Santa into my bath and he started to sizzle and deteriorate away I was disturbed. the pong that was coming from the bath water was a mix between orange juice and fermented bananas and to top it of the sizzling action that is part of these bath ballistics started to sound like poor little fat Santa was screaming for his life. I don't blame him though, I like my bath's scolding hot.
I let him sizzle away while I went into the bedroom to grab my towel and strip. When I came back the bath was...well see above. Red. Period blood red. Not even like an inviting red. But blood red. I called for Husband, asking if he thought I should follow through with this bath after all. He (while holding his hand over his nose) chuckled and said I should give it a go.
I climbed in and was accosted by the even stronger smell of gone off fruit and was now starting to fear for the pigmentation of my skin. Get the camera! I called to Husband and he took the photo and helped me out. We stood together and watched the sand like remnants of little fat Santa swirl around the plug hole.
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
So you can imagine my delight and quick change of heart when I was told my works (late) Christmas party would be held at Red & Green, a Mexican Restaurant... A Mexican restaurant I am ashamed to say I did not even know existed. After studying the website while breaking into a cold sweat I reconsidered my lack of enthusiasm at attending the Christmas Party were disappearing fast and I was over come by the need to Make.Sure.I.Was.There.
Monday, 18 January 2010
My father-in-law bought me this book for Christmas as he knows I'm a bit of a aspiring baker and I feeling particularly generous and brave last week handed the book around my office and asked everyone to tab one cake they would like me to make and starting next week I will make one cake a week and bring it into work.
All of these cakes look beautiful (Especially the fresh fig ones), some of them look like I could make them with no disasters, others look like I might mess it right up. But despite the out come being it baking success or baking disaster I have promised to bring the cake into work for praise, feedback and criticisms.
I've gotten back into my baking swing lately, though I am aware I haven't been posting about them, so no need to remind me. Mostly cookies have been on the menu lately. I've got Pam's ( @ for the love of cooking) Sinckerdoodles in the oven right now (which are to.die.for) and last week I made a slight adaption of this recipe. Added 1/4 tsp nutmeg and extra butter (thought I can't tell you how much) to make them moister...is moister a word?
So cakes galore starting next week. I'll be baking them Monday, taking them in to work Tuesday and then letting you know how it went down Wednesday.
Also I've decided I'm going to stop apologizing for not posting much... because at the moment I only seem to manage 3 (give or take) posts a week and I'm sorry guys... but that'll have to do for now, at least until my life gets more interesting.
one day...oh one day.
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
- Hot musk and vanilla scented baths with a cup of maple tea.
- Finally finding something that distracts your kid for longer than 10 minutes.
- Finding your groove in your job.
Things that are bad times:
- Your son finding it hilarious to dump all his lego's into your bath.
- watching the movie Cars 4-6 times a day.
- finding out you might be out of a job within 2 months
The good news re: the job front is that it's not because I suck and don't get my work done because I'm too busy on blogger but because the NHS service I work for is being disbanded and they haven't figured out that I don't get my work done because i spend my time blogging. This does mean though that if I can't find a suitable part time job by end of March then I might have to consider...GASP... Full time. Yikes, I know. But hey, it'll only be until I go on my next maternity leave, right?
Right now.. All I want out of life is this. Click the link...check it out... you'll understand.
Because we all understand that each other has their own lives as well.
right? ... You'd think.
Monday, 11 January 2010
P.S. The chick in the back ground isn't me. I'm behind the camera.
Sunday, 10 January 2010
As you may recall I won Kevin's (at Closet Cooking) pay it forward. Christmas Eve I received my foodie package and saved it to open on Christmas. Kevin couldn't have done better by me. The box was filled with the most amazing maple goodies which is perfect since it's almost impossible to find good maple products in this country unless you're prepared sell your kidney on the black market to pay for it.
A bottle of 100% pure maple syrup which is sat proudly on my counter (I'm afraid to use it yet though because the sooner I use it the sooner it will be gone). A bag of maple sugar which I am soo psyched about because I can feel a cookie recipe coming on. A box of Maple Cream cookies which my.god are to die for. Totally moreish and perfect with my cup of tea in the evenings. I've been enjoying those very much over the past two weeks. Maple tea, which I haven't tried yet but will be trying tonight to accompany my bath, Canadian Mustard which I'm really interested to try since I'm a fan of mustard of any kind and some Japanese kit kats... Which I'd like to tell you about except my Son ate them while I wasn't looking so I didn't get any. He seemed to enjoy them though.
I'll be holding my Pay it Forward in a few months time once I've recovered from Christmas and my Son's approaching 2nd Birthday.
Did I mention I'm 25 next month. That's old. Ok fine... Not old. But it feels old. It feels old because I've really enjoyed being able to say I'm in my early 20's. Early 20's are good. Mid 20's? That's like saying "The fun's over but I still haven't come to terms with it"... I will never come to terms with it! :)
Thursday, 7 January 2010
This all being said I can't wait for the snow to melt and the temperature to go up. I'd much rather be warm, unapproachable and stable on my feet than cold, on my back and smiling at my neighbor.
So, Christmas eh? A few things happened.
1) My Husband didn't completely fail at the gift buying this year.
2) I totally ROCKED the gift buying this year.
3) My Son was given a drum set....ihateyousister-in-law
4) My sister finally set a wedding date in May which means we can now buy our tickets to go home to California.
5) My Son is mature for his age and it seems has reached the terrible 2s.
He looks sweet doesn't he? playing with his gay kitchen... Well he's not. He's the devil. His mood swings are worse than mine when I'm full blown perioding it. One second he's happy and loves me and then OHMYGODEVERYTHINGISBADANDIHATEYOUFORBEINGTHEWORSTMOTHEREVERBECAUSEYOUJUSTTOLDMETOBECAREFUL.
It's alright if you didn't get that...
I'd describe the terrible 2's for you but I'm sure most of you know it from first hand experience or have seen it in action over the head of your frazzled friend/relative. Everything is no. He bites. He hits. He throws. He screams. He cries. He thinks it's the end of the world. He is totally inconsolable. Totally. And then... it's over and he's happy again.
Wotever. I'm so bored with it now. Husband thinks that since he's reached the terrible 2s early maybe they won't last as long...I then asked Husband "you do realize it isn't just the terrible two's right?... there's the torturous 3's and the frighting 4's and the fearful 5's and the sickening 6's"
Husband went into a corner and cried.
Oh and to add to this. Come March 25th we're trying for another baby! Hurrah! I know it seems very scheduled but it's because that's when my appointment to get out my birth control implant is. Should be knocked up by the 26th. We are taking bets though people. :)
I'm finding it hard to make myself find time to blog. Not because I don't want to be because I always feel I should be doing something.... productive.
This is productive though, right?
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
It's been a blissfully busy 3 weeks of Christmas/New Years mayhem. Lots of relatives to see and lots of people to clean up after. It was brilliant though and one of the best holiday seasons I've had. Only today are my feet finally touching the ground and I'm starting to remember real life. I'm a little relieved to be back at work actually, it's nice to have some normality and routine again.
Kid bro came and went and now my house feels empty without him. I'm suffering some serious home sickness at the moment which I'm dealing with by over planning my trip home (California) in May. Roll on!
I'd like to share hundrads of pictures with you but as you all know when it come to me and a camera we don't get along at the best of times so I'll maybe do some editing tonight and see if I can scrounge up a few. Accompanied by stories of course.
But for now, this is just to say I'm "back" and I missed you and I'm daunted by the task of catching up with my blog roll but also looking forward to it and I'll be back soon with those pictures but for now I really should get back to doing some work.
I hope you all had a fab Holiday period too! And I'm looking forward to where 2010 brings us all.
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