Thursday, 19 November 2009
What to expect when you are expecting.... The things they don't tell you.
1) During pregnancy you gain a full head of lush hair and loose the need to shave regularly. It's bliss.
2) Once you've popped the little rug rat out, your hair reverses it self. Your hair thins out on top to the point where you wonder if you will be bald this time next year and your body hair becomes so thick you start to resemble your great great ancestors...the apes.
3) Your stretch marks fade. The shadows under your eyes don't.
4) Your breast along with your nipples and areola double in size.
5) As soon as you stop breastfeeding your breasts disappear... BUT your nipples stay the same. Leaving you with breasts that look more like fried eggs...sunny side up.
6) Suddenly you can insert a tampon standing up, legs crossed, while clenching.
7) While pregnant you have the pregnancy glow; clear skin. As soon as your baby is out though prepare for puberty to hit your face all.over.again.
8) If you pull the loose skin on your stomach as far as you can you could set a boat to sail.
9) After using the toilet, while wiping if you're not careful you might accidentally "slip in"
10) Even if you loose all the baby weight and tone up there is something about your body that every time you look at it scream "You're a mummy now!"
11) You begin to compare things. For example, if you are in great pain you remind yourself that this wasn't as bad as labor. If you have to carry something heavy you compare it too the current weight of your toddler.
And finally, while brainstorming for this post I asked my BFF for help in the form of "What do I complain to you about?" and she replied with the following.
12) Your baby is attached to you in your womb then he is constantly attached to your breast, then your hip, then your legs and finally to your wallet, for the rest.of.your.life.
Have I really said that?.... Not totally surprising.
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