Friday, 2 November 2007

In which I get reflective

One of the worst things about being sick and under house arrest is being left alone with your thoughts.

A lot of people like to be left alone with their thoughts, sort through the junk and emotions and get their head on straight. I'm all for that too, but when you're forced to be left alone with your thoughts it's just not the same. It's like the whole alone thing, no one likes to be left alone unless they choose to be alone. Also, being pregnant makes everything ten times more intense.

I've always been a very confident woman. I've been known to use the word vain to describe myself (but the dictionary term, not the derogated term it has now become) many a times and I'm proud of being confident... Because of this I've never felt extreme jealousy and/or paranoia concerning my relationships because I felt I was worth it and trusted that the people i care about were truthful.

Now though, I'm beginning to get paranoid and jealous concerning my husband and it is so uncharacteristic of me and I hatehatehate it, because I've never felt these emotions before I'm not so sure how to deal with them. Something in my heart tells me he would never ever do anything to sabotage us but I still get suspicious ever though there is no reason.

I blame hormones. In fact I blame everything on pregnancy. Where did my pregnancy "glow" go dammit?

Well at least if anything I can look back on Halloween night 2007 and fondly recall my first experience with a bondage kit.

We so still got it.

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